The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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