I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
