It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
