Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
