I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
