Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
