This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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