I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Drunk is not a location!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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