YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
