Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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