Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
