We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
