I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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