Need sex. Gaining weight.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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