well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
