I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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