We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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