Got a toothbrush?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
