i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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