Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
