Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
