Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
