shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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