where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
