im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
