Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
