Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
