Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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