I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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