..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
