So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
