Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
