Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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