Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
