nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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