She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
