He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Is it penis luge time yet?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I don't deserve a penis
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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