alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
