Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
