Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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