'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
