She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
