We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
