I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So much Jack, so little girl.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
