I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
