I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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