that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
