if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I want her autograph on my taint
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
