saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
