i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
