I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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