oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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