Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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