More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
