Barsexuality is the new black.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
